ian mcdougall
  • Ian McDougall
    • Background
    • Humbled by Honour
  • Projects
    • Bloke's Lounge
    • Mentoring >
      • He said, she said
      • Helping the Homeless in more ways than one
    • Save the Post Box
    • Racism
  • Articles
    • MUSICAL MADNESS
    • MY EARLY CARS
    • This (mechanical) life
    • The Thorpe Ascension
    • Goolie grippers
    • Bewdy Bonza guide to Australia
    • Wine descriptors
    • Notes for shop assistants
  • McDoggerel
    • Political >
      • WAR IS A WHORE
      • Joe Hockey
      • Blue Ties
      • Kevin, The Musical
      • LNPeeing in their own next
      • Flegg flogged
      • Your Job
      • We're Shot to Shit
      • Can Do (A Political Pantomime)
      • Bwuce Almighty
      • Election in the Air
      • What The Hell
      • How 'ard?
      • Parly rap
      • About face, about facing the truth
    • Social issues >
      • On The Streets
      • Ready & Able
      • Where I Live
      • Telephone font
    • Here Be Demons >
      • The Truth Comes Out
      • Yeah mate, I know
      • Dread Head
      • Sometimes
      • Black Dog Barking
      • Bark you black dog
    • Other >
      • My car
      • Bloody lawn
      • Night noise
      • The Dunny
      • My Kind of Blue
      • THE CHRISTMAS FRIDGE
      • Kiss Me
      • The Stick
      • Magpie mornings
      • Delhi belly
      • Hinkum booby
      • GRIEF IS THE PRICE OF LOVE
      • Darts for Old Farts
      • Surfers ain't paradise
      • The March
      • CALLIPYGOUS
      • Bangalow Markets
      • Meanderthals
      • Four small words
      • Bessie
      • The Devil Drives a Prado
      • Desert Dawn 1991
      • Your Mobile Phone
      • Your Honour
      • The Tellie
      • I Hate The Train
    • Haiku >
      • Blokey haiku
      • Hospital haiku
      • Other haiku
  • People
    • Surf legend
    • On ya bike, Mal!
    • VALE >
      • Vale: Roger Crook
      • Vale: Nev Brough
      • Vale: Ron Dix
      • Vale: Joan Small
      • Vale: Dal Withers
    • Lieut Clarry McDougall MC >
      • Race meeting at the front
      • March to the Rhine
      • Daybreak surprise
      • Cooyar Cenotaph unveiled
    • J.F. McDougall - Queenslander >
      • J.F. McDougall - family stuff
    • Partners in Recovery >
      • Getting it out there
      • Funky postcards hit the streets
      • Phil's pouches popular
      • New life for Naomi
      • There's magic in music
      • Lessons from the edge of darkness
      • Crafting a future
      • From misery to happiness
      • Dominique - Shades of day
    • Book People >
      • Matthew on road to recovery
      • #1 Kevin Jones
      • #2 Melissa and Ann
      • #3 David Oldfield
      • #4 Multicultural moments
      • #5 Peter Burt
      • #6 Brendan Lauritz
      • #7 Matthew's mutt
      • #8 Dal loves his Wilburs
      • #9 Books found
      • #10 New shoes, new vigour, new hope
      • #11 Up there for thinking
      • #12 Jo's lessons
      • #13 Cowboy takes teens on reality ride
  • Out & about
  • Grumpy Old Fart
_Your mobile phone

It’s ringing; it’s ringing your mobile phone
Why don’t you answer the bluddy thing.

It’s cheap and nasty, your mobile phone
It ain’t no Nokia, it’s just a clone
It’s loud and tinny and won’t stop ringing
Might be fun for you, but we’re not grinning

You’re whingeing on that mobile phone
Hey you’re on the train, you’re not alone
We don’t wanna know about that fight you’ve had
About your slut of a mum … or your drunken dad

It’s ringing; it’s ringing your mobile phone
Why don’t you answer the bluddy thing.

You’re fiddling and fiddling with that mobile phone
Testing the multi functions, all 20 ring tones!
You laugh and giggle with each one you try
While your fellow commuters are about to cry

You’ve been taking photos with that mobile phone
And you show them to us - we universally groan
You use the screen reflection to fix your hair
Another hour to go, gawd, we’re in despair!

It’s ringing; it’s ringing your mobile phone
Why don’t you answer the bluddy thing.

You’re playing games on your mobile phone
Zapping demons and androgynous drones
All whizzing and whirring and beeping and bells
Accompanied by your whoops and yells

You play crappy music on your mobile phone
You don’t care about us, you’re in your zone
Worst of all you start to loudly sing along
Hey, you ain’t got rhythm - and the words are wrong!

It’s muffled now, your mobile phone
We can hardly hear the ringing, now it’s gone
We all owe a favour to that bloke in first class
Who finally snapped and shoved it up your arse!

© eoin macdhugail November 2009

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