ian mcdougall
  • Ian McDougall
    • Background
    • Humbled by Honour
  • Projects
    • Bloke's Lounge
    • Mentoring >
      • He said, she said
      • Helping the Homeless in more ways than one
    • Save the Post Box
    • Racism
  • Articles
    • MUSICAL MADNESS
    • MY EARLY CARS
    • This (mechanical) life
    • The Thorpe Ascension
    • Goolie grippers
    • Bewdy Bonza guide to Australia
    • Wine descriptors
    • Notes for shop assistants
  • McDoggerel
    • Political >
      • WAR IS A WHORE
      • Joe Hockey
      • Blue Ties
      • Kevin, The Musical
      • LNPeeing in their own next
      • Flegg flogged
      • Your Job
      • We're Shot to Shit
      • Can Do (A Political Pantomime)
      • Bwuce Almighty
      • Election in the Air
      • What The Hell
      • How 'ard?
      • Parly rap
      • About face, about facing the truth
    • Social issues >
      • On The Streets
      • Ready & Able
      • Where I Live
      • Telephone font
    • Here Be Demons >
      • The Truth Comes Out
      • Yeah mate, I know
      • Dread Head
      • Sometimes
      • Black Dog Barking
      • Bark you black dog
    • Other >
      • My car
      • Bloody lawn
      • Night noise
      • The Dunny
      • My Kind of Blue
      • THE CHRISTMAS FRIDGE
      • Kiss Me
      • The Stick
      • Magpie mornings
      • Delhi belly
      • Hinkum booby
      • GRIEF IS THE PRICE OF LOVE
      • Darts for Old Farts
      • Surfers ain't paradise
      • The March
      • CALLIPYGOUS
      • Bangalow Markets
      • Meanderthals
      • Four small words
      • Bessie
      • The Devil Drives a Prado
      • Desert Dawn 1991
      • Your Mobile Phone
      • Your Honour
      • The Tellie
      • I Hate The Train
    • Haiku >
      • Blokey haiku
      • Hospital haiku
      • Other haiku
  • People
    • Surf legend
    • On ya bike, Mal!
    • VALE >
      • Vale: Roger Crook
      • Vale: Nev Brough
      • Vale: Ron Dix
      • Vale: Joan Small
      • Vale: Dal Withers
    • Lieut Clarry McDougall MC >
      • Race meeting at the front
      • March to the Rhine
      • Daybreak surprise
      • Cooyar Cenotaph unveiled
    • J.F. McDougall - Queenslander >
      • J.F. McDougall - family stuff
    • Partners in Recovery >
      • Getting it out there
      • Funky postcards hit the streets
      • Phil's pouches popular
      • New life for Naomi
      • There's magic in music
      • Lessons from the edge of darkness
      • Crafting a future
      • From misery to happiness
      • Dominique - Shades of day
    • Book People >
      • Matthew on road to recovery
      • #1 Kevin Jones
      • #2 Melissa and Ann
      • #3 David Oldfield
      • #4 Multicultural moments
      • #5 Peter Burt
      • #6 Brendan Lauritz
      • #7 Matthew's mutt
      • #8 Dal loves his Wilburs
      • #9 Books found
      • #10 New shoes, new vigour, new hope
      • #11 Up there for thinking
      • #12 Jo's lessons
      • #13 Cowboy takes teens on reality ride
  • Out & about
  • Grumpy Old Fart
_Your Honour

Your Honour, please, the drunkard said
Put me in jail. Give me a warm bed
I’ll be safer in there, I know I’ll be fed
If you set me loose, I’ll be back on the red

You see, Your Worship, I'm just an old sot
Was successful once, now I’ve lost the plot
They say I can stop, but I kid you not
Rum, beer, Metho, wine - I’ll drink the lot.

I once had a family, Your Excellency,
Wife and two kids; they filled me with glee
Late one night drink got the better of me
Lost control on the turn, put the car into a tree.

I'm lost, Your Lordship, the drunkard said
Sometimes things just get in me head
Wild fancy visions, some fill me with dread
I love ’em. I hate ’em. I’ll drink myself dead.

Please, Your Highness, lock me up long
My courage is weak, my illness strong
Lungs, liver are shot from too many drinks and bongs
Need to keep dry, ’til my spirit becomes strong.

The beak sat up straight, adjusted his hair
Heaved a deep sigh, gave the bloke a good stare
Now listen here, mate, I really do care
But it wouldn’t be right to put you in there

You’re down on your luck, that’s no disgrace
I'm sure you’ll bounce back, given some help and some space
I’ll talk to the Sallies, they’ll find you a place
Take your time, sober up, put on a new face.

Your Worshipful Honour, you’re really true blue
Helpin’ a bloke with no hope, not even no shoes
Tomorra’s a new day but I’ll do you true.
You wouldn’t have a nip, would ya – just to see me through!

eoinmacdhugail © Oct 2008

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