ian mcdougall
  • Ian McDougall
    • Background
    • Humbled by Honour
  • Projects
    • Bloke's Lounge
    • Mentoring >
      • He said, she said
      • Helping the Homeless in more ways than one
    • Save the Post Box
    • Racism
  • Articles
    • MUSICAL MADNESS
    • MY EARLY CARS
    • This (mechanical) life
    • The Thorpe Ascension
    • Goolie grippers
    • Bewdy Bonza guide to Australia
    • Wine descriptors
    • Notes for shop assistants
  • McDoggerel
    • Political >
      • WAR IS A WHORE
      • Joe Hockey
      • Blue Ties
      • Kevin, The Musical
      • LNPeeing in their own next
      • Flegg flogged
      • Your Job
      • We're Shot to Shit
      • Can Do (A Political Pantomime)
      • Bwuce Almighty
      • Election in the Air
      • What The Hell
      • How 'ard?
      • Parly rap
      • About face, about facing the truth
    • Social issues >
      • On The Streets
      • Ready & Able
      • Where I Live
      • Telephone font
    • Here Be Demons >
      • The Truth Comes Out
      • Yeah mate, I know
      • Dread Head
      • Sometimes
      • Black Dog Barking
      • Bark you black dog
    • Other >
      • My car
      • Bloody lawn
      • Night noise
      • The Dunny
      • My Kind of Blue
      • THE CHRISTMAS FRIDGE
      • Kiss Me
      • The Stick
      • Magpie mornings
      • Delhi belly
      • Hinkum booby
      • GRIEF IS THE PRICE OF LOVE
      • Darts for Old Farts
      • Surfers ain't paradise
      • The March
      • CALLIPYGOUS
      • Bangalow Markets
      • Meanderthals
      • Four small words
      • Bessie
      • The Devil Drives a Prado
      • Desert Dawn 1991
      • Your Mobile Phone
      • Your Honour
      • The Tellie
      • I Hate The Train
    • Haiku >
      • Blokey haiku
      • Hospital haiku
      • Other haiku
  • People
    • Surf legend
    • On ya bike, Mal!
    • VALE >
      • Vale: Roger Crook
      • Vale: Nev Brough
      • Vale: Ron Dix
      • Vale: Joan Small
      • Vale: Dal Withers
    • Lieut Clarry McDougall MC >
      • Race meeting at the front
      • March to the Rhine
      • Daybreak surprise
      • Cooyar Cenotaph unveiled
    • J.F. McDougall - Queenslander >
      • J.F. McDougall - family stuff
    • Partners in Recovery >
      • Getting it out there
      • Funky postcards hit the streets
      • Phil's pouches popular
      • New life for Naomi
      • There's magic in music
      • Lessons from the edge of darkness
      • Crafting a future
      • From misery to happiness
      • Dominique - Shades of day
    • Book People >
      • Matthew on road to recovery
      • #1 Kevin Jones
      • #2 Melissa and Ann
      • #3 David Oldfield
      • #4 Multicultural moments
      • #5 Peter Burt
      • #6 Brendan Lauritz
      • #7 Matthew's mutt
      • #8 Dal loves his Wilburs
      • #9 Books found
      • #10 New shoes, new vigour, new hope
      • #11 Up there for thinking
      • #12 Jo's lessons
      • #13 Cowboy takes teens on reality ride
  • Out & about
  • Grumpy Old Fart
_The Tellie

The Tellie tells us what to do
From movies and cafés, to choosing shampoo
Of what movies to see and catchy songs
And how to beat that cold and soldier on.

The Tellie tells me who I am
A well-groomed lad – a modern man
With Myers slacks and Bert’s plugged hair
And out chasing chicks with the Bundy Bear!

The Tellie tell us how to vote
Not him, but him, ’cos he’s a good bloke
We got Mr Potato Head and his motley crew
Not Advance Australia Fair but Australia Zoo!

The Tellie tells us who can - and can’t - sing
about poor Todd’s saga with that bloody ring
We see odd couples prancing instead of dancing
Soapies enthrall us (yawn) with endless romancing.

The Tellie tells us all the news
Civil wars, road deaths, Hetty’s views
Upsides, downsides, sporting losses
The endless bleating of our Canberra tossers.

The Tellie tells us that we’re obese
Then tries to sell us pizza with cheese
Ads flogging Coke, plastic burgers with fries
All salt, all sugar – the kids are upsized!

The Tellie tells us why we won’t last
haemorrhoids, cancer, terrorist blasts
Dams drying up, green gases aloft
I gave it up - turned the bloody thing off!

Now the missus tells me what to do
How to think, who I am - all the gossip, too
She wants ceilings painted, doors fixed, pictures hung, toilets cleaned, shed tidied, car washed, windows hosed, gutter cleaned, fence mended and (whew) the lawn de-grubbed
Bugger this – I’m off to the pub!




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