* Best Appliance Skins
The Christmas Fridge
It started out all casual like, just a few mates and me
pre-Noel gatherin’ in the backyard, havin’ a drink or three
we down a few of the old Fourex, and a Tooheys … or two!
We’re all good mates, no risk of a blue
It became a tradition, real ridgy didge
But two days out from Christmas, I blew up me bloody fridge!
Went down to the local white goods store
Looked over a range of twenty … or more
Couldn’t recall that brand that I bought
LG? Westinghouse? Didn’t give it a thought.
All I recall was the sales girl, a bloody good sort
Tight little bum in them hot pant shorts
two bazookas pokin’ out of her chest
When she gave me a wink I didn’t think twice,
I bought fancy-nancy one, that even makes its own ice!
Shit, if she’da just asked I’da bought all the rest!
Said it’d be delivered, by a bloke in a big bright truck
Reckoned it’d be there tomorra, well, with a bit of luck
Bill and Bazza and Fred come round
Deckchairs were busted so we sat down on the ground
Threw some ice in our chilly bins
cracked the cartons and stacked the tins in
Then we got down to a ding-dong chat
about work ‘n’ cricket, and this ’n’ that
While waitin’ for the bloke from ’arvey Norman
to deliver the Christmas fridge
Talk turned to footy, ’n’ fishin’, ’n’ darts
Beer makes Bill windy, he let go some foul farts
well time did fly and the hours went by
Sun was slowly sinkin’ in the sky
Barry’s a butcher, he’d brought a swag of prime beef
Fred’s fronted with a coral trout, the best fish on the reef
So we stoked up the barbie, while wondering why
the bloke from ’arvey Norman
Hadn’t delivered the Christmas fridge
We were startin’ to get a little bit pissed
And we got to thinkin’ maybe the delivery was missed
Stubbies were runnin’ out when Bill gave a shout
there was a truck down the road, emptyin’ its load
it was a bloke from ‘arvey Norman
liftin’ what looked like a bloody fridge!
well, I wandered on down with a bit of a frown
are you lost, mate? Got the right address?
“Yep, delivery for Thompson, 24 Burberry Lane”
Bugga me - had the same street, had the same name
But numbers were reversed - I silently cursed
because when it really got down to it
I’d been distracted by the sales girl’s tits!
It started out all casual like, just a few mates and me
pre-Noel gatherin’ in the backyard, havin’ a drink or three
we down a few of the old Fourex, and a Tooheys … or two!
We’re all good mates, no risk of a blue
It became a tradition, real ridgy didge
But two days out from Christmas, I blew up me bloody fridge!
Went down to the local white goods store
Looked over a range of twenty … or more
Couldn’t recall that brand that I bought
LG? Westinghouse? Didn’t give it a thought.
All I recall was the sales girl, a bloody good sort
Tight little bum in them hot pant shorts
two bazookas pokin’ out of her chest
When she gave me a wink I didn’t think twice,
I bought fancy-nancy one, that even makes its own ice!
Shit, if she’da just asked I’da bought all the rest!
Said it’d be delivered, by a bloke in a big bright truck
Reckoned it’d be there tomorra, well, with a bit of luck
Bill and Bazza and Fred come round
Deckchairs were busted so we sat down on the ground
Threw some ice in our chilly bins
cracked the cartons and stacked the tins in
Then we got down to a ding-dong chat
about work ‘n’ cricket, and this ’n’ that
While waitin’ for the bloke from ’arvey Norman
to deliver the Christmas fridge
Talk turned to footy, ’n’ fishin’, ’n’ darts
Beer makes Bill windy, he let go some foul farts
well time did fly and the hours went by
Sun was slowly sinkin’ in the sky
Barry’s a butcher, he’d brought a swag of prime beef
Fred’s fronted with a coral trout, the best fish on the reef
So we stoked up the barbie, while wondering why
the bloke from ’arvey Norman
Hadn’t delivered the Christmas fridge
We were startin’ to get a little bit pissed
And we got to thinkin’ maybe the delivery was missed
Stubbies were runnin’ out when Bill gave a shout
there was a truck down the road, emptyin’ its load
it was a bloke from ‘arvey Norman
liftin’ what looked like a bloody fridge!
well, I wandered on down with a bit of a frown
are you lost, mate? Got the right address?
“Yep, delivery for Thompson, 24 Burberry Lane”
Bugga me - had the same street, had the same name
But numbers were reversed - I silently cursed
because when it really got down to it
I’d been distracted by the sales girl’s tits!
* Best Appliance Skins
Anyway, it was tiny house and very clean
stark in furniture, hardly anythin’ to be seen
Broken down car in the yard, they were doin’ it ’ard
Kids galore, a women at the door
’avin’ a bit of a cry, dabbin’ a tissue to ’er eye
ran ’er fingers through ’er hair
turned to look at a man plonked in a chair
’is eyes met mine, ’is lips quivered as he spoke
“Mate, fair dinkum, we are dead-set broke
Been redundant since May
Not had a pay since that day
Kelvinator kacked it, stove don’t work
I'm at the end of my tether, goin’ quite berserk
Can’t afford any presents, clothes are third hand
been livin’ on handouts, mainly food in cans.”
’is wife butted in, ’er face split with a grin
“Then this bloke turns up with a fridge on ’is truck
Dunno who it came from, but it’s our good luck!”
Well, bugger me, what was a man to do?
I hid me own tears, turned, and shot through
I went back to the blokes and we took a quick vote
whipped down to Target before it closed
Fred filled some boxes with colourful clothes
While Bill poked about among the toys
Easy to choose, the kids were all boys!
I ducked into the bottleo for bubbles and beer
That oughta bring mum and dad some cheer
Bazza went to Woolies had a good look
before deciding on roasted veg and hot chook
Added some custard and a Christmas pud
Jeeze, we were feelin’ pretty good.
Stacked the loot in the boot, it was a fair-sized load
And just after dark, we sneaked it down the road
Christmas time wouldn’t be the same
For the Thompson family, Burberry Lane.
Well, the followin’ week we sat out the back
bullshittin’ on with our usual chat
drinkin’ beers and battin’ away midges
Bonza for us, it was Bazza’s shout
Sent the boy out front, to keep an eye out
for the man from ‘arvey Norman
deliverin’ the New Year’s Fridge
© eoin macdhugail 2014-18
stark in furniture, hardly anythin’ to be seen
Broken down car in the yard, they were doin’ it ’ard
Kids galore, a women at the door
’avin’ a bit of a cry, dabbin’ a tissue to ’er eye
ran ’er fingers through ’er hair
turned to look at a man plonked in a chair
’is eyes met mine, ’is lips quivered as he spoke
“Mate, fair dinkum, we are dead-set broke
Been redundant since May
Not had a pay since that day
Kelvinator kacked it, stove don’t work
I'm at the end of my tether, goin’ quite berserk
Can’t afford any presents, clothes are third hand
been livin’ on handouts, mainly food in cans.”
’is wife butted in, ’er face split with a grin
“Then this bloke turns up with a fridge on ’is truck
Dunno who it came from, but it’s our good luck!”
Well, bugger me, what was a man to do?
I hid me own tears, turned, and shot through
I went back to the blokes and we took a quick vote
whipped down to Target before it closed
Fred filled some boxes with colourful clothes
While Bill poked about among the toys
Easy to choose, the kids were all boys!
I ducked into the bottleo for bubbles and beer
That oughta bring mum and dad some cheer
Bazza went to Woolies had a good look
before deciding on roasted veg and hot chook
Added some custard and a Christmas pud
Jeeze, we were feelin’ pretty good.
Stacked the loot in the boot, it was a fair-sized load
And just after dark, we sneaked it down the road
Christmas time wouldn’t be the same
For the Thompson family, Burberry Lane.
Well, the followin’ week we sat out the back
bullshittin’ on with our usual chat
drinkin’ beers and battin’ away midges
Bonza for us, it was Bazza’s shout
Sent the boy out front, to keep an eye out
for the man from ‘arvey Norman
deliverin’ the New Year’s Fridge
© eoin macdhugail 2014-18
