ian mcdougall
  • Ian McDougall
    • Background
    • Humbled by Honour
  • Projects
    • Bloke's Lounge
    • Mentoring >
      • He said, she said
      • Helping the Homeless in more ways than one
    • Save the Post Box
    • Racism
  • Articles
    • MUSICAL MADNESS
    • MY EARLY CARS
    • This (mechanical) life
    • The Thorpe Ascension
    • Goolie grippers
    • Bewdy Bonza guide to Australia
    • Wine descriptors
    • Notes for shop assistants
  • McDoggerel
    • Political >
      • WAR IS A WHORE
      • Joe Hockey
      • Blue Ties
      • Kevin, The Musical
      • LNPeeing in their own next
      • Flegg flogged
      • Your Job
      • We're Shot to Shit
      • Can Do (A Political Pantomime)
      • Bwuce Almighty
      • Election in the Air
      • What The Hell
      • How 'ard?
      • Parly rap
      • About face, about facing the truth
    • Social issues >
      • On The Streets
      • Ready & Able
      • Where I Live
      • Telephone font
    • Here Be Demons >
      • The Truth Comes Out
      • Yeah mate, I know
      • Dread Head
      • Sometimes
      • Black Dog Barking
      • Bark you black dog
    • Other >
      • My car
      • Bloody lawn
      • Night noise
      • The Dunny
      • My Kind of Blue
      • THE CHRISTMAS FRIDGE
      • Kiss Me
      • The Stick
      • Magpie mornings
      • Delhi belly
      • Hinkum booby
      • GRIEF IS THE PRICE OF LOVE
      • Darts for Old Farts
      • Surfers ain't paradise
      • The March
      • CALLIPYGOUS
      • Bangalow Markets
      • Meanderthals
      • Four small words
      • Bessie
      • The Devil Drives a Prado
      • Desert Dawn 1991
      • Your Mobile Phone
      • Your Honour
      • The Tellie
      • I Hate The Train
    • Haiku >
      • Blokey haiku
      • Hospital haiku
      • Other haiku
  • People
    • Surf legend
    • On ya bike, Mal!
    • VALE >
      • Vale: Roger Crook
      • Vale: Nev Brough
      • Vale: Ron Dix
      • Vale: Joan Small
      • Vale: Dal Withers
    • Lieut Clarry McDougall MC >
      • Race meeting at the front
      • March to the Rhine
      • Daybreak surprise
      • Cooyar Cenotaph unveiled
    • J.F. McDougall - Queenslander >
      • J.F. McDougall - family stuff
    • Partners in Recovery >
      • Getting it out there
      • Funky postcards hit the streets
      • Phil's pouches popular
      • New life for Naomi
      • There's magic in music
      • Lessons from the edge of darkness
      • Crafting a future
      • From misery to happiness
      • Dominique - Shades of day
    • Book People >
      • Matthew on road to recovery
      • #1 Kevin Jones
      • #2 Melissa and Ann
      • #3 David Oldfield
      • #4 Multicultural moments
      • #5 Peter Burt
      • #6 Brendan Lauritz
      • #7 Matthew's mutt
      • #8 Dal loves his Wilburs
      • #9 Books found
      • #10 New shoes, new vigour, new hope
      • #11 Up there for thinking
      • #12 Jo's lessons
      • #13 Cowboy takes teens on reality ride
  • Out & about
  • Grumpy Old Fart
Picture* Gold Coast Historic
SURFERS AIN’T PARADISE
​

There once was a time when Surfers was it
Bottle-blonde bimbos tanning their tits
Old fellas trying to calm racing hearts
Families arrive with beach clobber in carts


Shaded beer gardens, entertainment galore
Maori Te-poi, no charge at the door
Dad comes to the table with tall frosty beers
And to keep children happy, cold cherry cheers


Beach blanket bingo and group singalongs
Surf reels whizzing, the slip-slip-slapping of thongs
Hula hoops, yo-yos, sipping Coke through a straw
Good times, fun times, we cried out for more.


Ride waves on black surf mats, slide down the dunes
Mr Whippy beckons with endless Greensleeves tune
Creamy cones dripping, as we hop on hot sand
The days went forever, oh gawd it was grand.

Picture* Daily Mail UK
Al Baldwin was legend with tattoos and tan spray
Gorgeous girls queued in lines through the day
Meter Maids meander in high heels and bikinis
Young studs in Speedos, some big ones … some weenies!


Hawaiian shirts blinded, with their colourful flowers
Transistors blared pop songs, with news on the hour
Worse that could happen was a bluebottle sting
Or battling the bedlam when the shark bells rings.


Bronzed beauties gather with frangipanis in hair
Conga lines snaked through the tables and chairs
Cavill Ave was alive with ukuleles and maracas
Now tourists line up for kebabs and Maccas.


Picture* Aquila Property Investment
Place was crowded with beach bunnies and grommets
Now club-lined streets are covered with vomit
Drunks, druggies, prossies patrol late at night
Fraudsters, marauders who give visitors fright

​Roar of the race cars, the roads are all blocked
Continues until midnight with the bands in full rock
Come November watch out, here come the Schoolies
Shadowed by coppers and ambos, dealers and toolies


Developers, sales agents, investment bankers
White shoes, gold chains - fair dinkum wankers!
Shysters, spin meisters, always alert for a scam
Their eyes on rich mutton, dressed up as lamb.


​Concrete monstrosities reach into the sky
Poorly planned pillars, a blight to the eye
Yeah, once upon a time it used to be nice
But Surfers today? It ain’t paradise!
​

© eoin macdhugail October 2010

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