
SURFERS AIN’T PARADISE
There once was a time when Surfers was it
Bottle-blonde bimbos tanning their tits
Old fellas trying to calm racing hearts
Families arrive with beach clobber in carts
Shaded beer gardens, entertainment galore
Maori Te-poi, no charge at the door
Dad comes to the table with tall frosty beers
And to keep children happy, cold cherry cheers
Beach blanket bingo and group singalongs
Surf reels whizzing, the slip-slip-slapping of thongs
Hula hoops, yo-yos, sipping Coke through a straw
Good times, fun times, we cried out for more.
Ride waves on black surf mats, slide down the dunes
Mr Whippy beckons with endless Greensleeves tune
Creamy cones dripping, as we hop on hot sand
The days went forever, oh gawd it was grand.
There once was a time when Surfers was it
Bottle-blonde bimbos tanning their tits
Old fellas trying to calm racing hearts
Families arrive with beach clobber in carts
Shaded beer gardens, entertainment galore
Maori Te-poi, no charge at the door
Dad comes to the table with tall frosty beers
And to keep children happy, cold cherry cheers
Beach blanket bingo and group singalongs
Surf reels whizzing, the slip-slip-slapping of thongs
Hula hoops, yo-yos, sipping Coke through a straw
Good times, fun times, we cried out for more.
Ride waves on black surf mats, slide down the dunes
Mr Whippy beckons with endless Greensleeves tune
Creamy cones dripping, as we hop on hot sand
The days went forever, oh gawd it was grand.

Al Baldwin was legend with tattoos and tan spray
Gorgeous girls queued in lines through the day
Meter Maids meander in high heels and bikinis
Young studs in Speedos, some big ones … some weenies!
Hawaiian shirts blinded, with their colourful flowers
Transistors blared pop songs, with news on the hour
Worse that could happen was a bluebottle sting
Or battling the bedlam when the shark bells rings.
Bronzed beauties gather with frangipanis in hair
Conga lines snaked through the tables and chairs
Cavill Ave was alive with ukuleles and maracas
Now tourists line up for kebabs and Maccas.
Gorgeous girls queued in lines through the day
Meter Maids meander in high heels and bikinis
Young studs in Speedos, some big ones … some weenies!
Hawaiian shirts blinded, with their colourful flowers
Transistors blared pop songs, with news on the hour
Worse that could happen was a bluebottle sting
Or battling the bedlam when the shark bells rings.
Bronzed beauties gather with frangipanis in hair
Conga lines snaked through the tables and chairs
Cavill Ave was alive with ukuleles and maracas
Now tourists line up for kebabs and Maccas.

Place was crowded with beach bunnies and grommets
Now club-lined streets are covered with vomit
Drunks, druggies, prossies patrol late at night
Fraudsters, marauders who give visitors fright
Roar of the race cars, the roads are all blocked
Continues until midnight with the bands in full rock
Come November watch out, here come the Schoolies
Shadowed by coppers and ambos, dealers and toolies
Developers, sales agents, investment bankers
White shoes, gold chains - fair dinkum wankers!
Shysters, spin meisters, always alert for a scam
Their eyes on rich mutton, dressed up as lamb.
Concrete monstrosities reach into the sky
Poorly planned pillars, a blight to the eye
Yeah, once upon a time it used to be nice
But Surfers today? It ain’t paradise!
© eoin macdhugail October 2010
Now club-lined streets are covered with vomit
Drunks, druggies, prossies patrol late at night
Fraudsters, marauders who give visitors fright
Roar of the race cars, the roads are all blocked
Continues until midnight with the bands in full rock
Come November watch out, here come the Schoolies
Shadowed by coppers and ambos, dealers and toolies
Developers, sales agents, investment bankers
White shoes, gold chains - fair dinkum wankers!
Shysters, spin meisters, always alert for a scam
Their eyes on rich mutton, dressed up as lamb.
Concrete monstrosities reach into the sky
Poorly planned pillars, a blight to the eye
Yeah, once upon a time it used to be nice
But Surfers today? It ain’t paradise!
© eoin macdhugail October 2010