_SOMETIMES

Sometimes, in my insomnia,
I sink slowly into sadness,
Seeking sustained silence to stroke my psychotic soul.
Deep down when dogged by dark depression
so much solitude scares me.
In my stupor I spin, I spiral, I surge,
I struggle to sustain my sanity.
Where now the synergy? The synchronicity? The serendipity?
I am not silly, nor am I stupid or insipid
so I slap myself sober to strengthen my resolve
shouting, screaming STOP IT! STOP IT! (you shithead)
I stumble, I fumble, I falter, yet
finger to forehead, face to floor,
I find the fortitude to focus
bring my breath into balance and
tease out the terror, tame my turbulence
seducing the stillness until
serenity turns to slumber.
Only then do I dare to dream,
that I can fulfil my fantasies,
that I can dance a fancy fandango
and find the singular strength
to manage the morning
to tackle today and
face the future afresh.                   

eoinmacdhugail © 2006