Notes for shop assistants
‘G’day, how they hangin?’ is not an acceptable form of greeting. Nor is ‘Hey babe’, ‘Yo Dude’ or ‘Howdeedoodee’
Your hair is not an accessory: it does not need to change daily to match your skirt, or your mood.
It should be combed, brushed or coiffured – not lank and greasy and hanging over your face.
Discreet body markings are acceptable – a tattooed tit is not.
We do not need to know what brand your underwear is – but, please, wear some.
Do not let your whale tails ride up your back, especially if you are male.
Do not say ‘have a nice day'…unless you mean it.
Do not respond to requests for assistance with ‘not a problem’ or say ‘just a minute', then continue chatting to other staff.
This is not Myer or DJs -- you will not turn aside, look away and pretend you don’t see a customer who enters the store.
Your T-shirts will be plain. They should not show messages such as ‘I have issues’, ‘Only two days or detox’ or 'I am not a vegetarian but I am off my chops’.
Polite advice for Visigoths or Emos:
- Leave your silver chains and dangly bits at home
- Having all-black clothing is not colourful
- Wash off the blotchy mascara panda eyes - wear a smile instead.
You will not scratch your balls – or pick your pimples – in public.
You will not dance, mime or sing along to the piped music – especially if you do not know the words.
You will not chew gum, suck jubes or snort sherbet.
Smoko does not mean a quick bong in the backroom.
Ear rings are acceptable – nose, naval or nipple rings are not.
And last but not least:
No-one needs to see your bum crack.
© eoin machdugail 2009